8 Tips to Boost Your Child's Self-Esteem

Most parents want to do what is best for their children, but good parenting doesn't always come naturally. We aren't taught parenting skills in school or given an all-encompassing parenting guidebook when we discover we are about to become parents. Furthermore, every child, situation, and parent-child relationship is unique. It's inevitable that - as a parent - you will make mistakes.

For example, you know that healthy self-esteem is crucial to your child's success, so you may be tempted to praise your child for everything they do – whether they do it well or not. Genuine praise (see below) can help, but research shows that over-praising can have a negative effect on your child.

What is Self-Esteem?

Self-esteem develops over time based on your relationships and experiences at home, in school, with friends, etc. "Self-esteem is your overall opinion of yourself, your beliefs about your abilities and limitations," Weber State University explains. "People with healthy self-esteem recognize and accept their abilities and their flaws, their strengths, and their weaknesses. They hold realistic expectations for themselves and others."

Low self-esteem can cause anxiety, stress, loneliness, depression, relationship problems, poor academic and job performance, and more.

8 Tips to Boost Your Child's Self-Esteem

1. Provide Genuine Praise
   As we stated earlier, over-praising can actually have a negative effect on children and cause feelings of inadequacy and entitlement. It lowers the bar for them, so they no longer need to push themselves. Part of good self-esteem is the feeling of competence. Sometimes, trying something, failing, and trying again is necessary. Praising a child may prevent them from trying again.
   
   However, genuine praise helps raise a child's self-esteem. If your child does something well, let them know. And it's better to give specific praise rather than general praise. Instead of telling your child that they are the best, the smartest, or the most talented, praise them for something specific, such as "You're really good at drawing cats," or "That was a great catch you made today," or "I'm proud of how you handled that argument with your friend."
   
   
2. Make it Clear Your Love is Unconditional
   Letting your child know that they are loved unconditionally – failures, mistakes, weaknesses, and all – is one of the best things you can do for your child's self-esteem. Your child needs to know that you love them even when they make a mistake or behave poorly. Unconditional love helps them feel safe and secure and lets them know they don't have to be perfect and that they can make mistakes.
   
   
3. Let Your Child Take Healthy Risks
   It can be challenging as a parent to stand back and watch your child make mistakes, but constantly hovering over them and doing everything for them isn't the solution. Children need to learn to make their own decisions and learn from their mistakes to build self-esteem.
   
   You need to weigh the benefits against the risks and ask yourself what is the worst thing that could happen if you let them take a chance and fail. For example, if a young child wants to pour his own juice but you know he will probably spill it, that may be worth the risk. If they succeed, it will build their confidence. If they fail, they can learn from their failure.
   
   
4. Let your Child Make Their Own Choices
   Letting your child make age-appropriate choices helps them feel more powerful. It helps them understand the consequences of their choices so they can make better decisions in the future. For very young children, the choices may be small. For example, you can let them choose between cereal or eggs for breakfast or let them choose their clothing for the day.
   
   
5. Give your Child Responsibilities
   Give your child age-appropriate responsibilities, such as chores around the house, to show their competence, feel like they're contributing, and build their self-esteem.
   
   For example, younger children can set the table, make the bed, or feed the dog, and an older child may do their own laundry or help with meal prep. First, show them how to do the chore successfully, and then let them do it on their own. Even if they don't do it perfectly, let them know you appreciate that they did it. They may whine and complain now, but they'll thank you later.
   
   
6. Encourage Independence
   It's healthy and normal for a child to become increasingly more independent. It may feel good when your child needs you (and they will continue to need you for a very long time), but they must become independent to build their self-esteem and succeed in life. So, encourage them to order their meal at a restaurant, talk with their teachers about problems, get ready for school, etc.
   
   
7. Turn Setbacks into Learning Experiences
   Your child needs to know that no one is perfect and that it's okay to make mistakes. However, they also need to know that it's important to try again. So, be patient when your child fails and turn failures or setbacks into learning experiences.
   
   
8. Set Them Up for Success  
   You don't want to shield your child from failures and mistakes, but there are ways that you can set them up for success. For example, if your child is struggling and becoming frustrated with reading, consider offering books at a lower reading level.
   
   It may feel as if you're lowering the bar or that they're taking a step backward. But while they practice reading the more accessible books, they build confidence in their reading skills. Reducing their frustration may allow them to tackle the more challenging books sooner.

Need More Advice on Parenting?

Parent counseling offers a safe space to express your feelings and learn how to manage them better. Parent counseling provides many benefits, such as unbiased support and guidance, emotional support, improved conflict resolution skills, and more.

Want to learn more? Contact us today at 610-772-8851 or schedule a free 15-minute consultation.